WORDS WOMEN USE ************************************************** ********
FINE This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
FIVE MINUTES If she is getting dressed, this is half an hour. Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given 5 more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
NOTHING This is the calm before the storm. This means "something," and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with 'Nothing' usually end in "Fine"
GO AHEAD This is a dare, not permission. Don't do it.
LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing"
THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not question it or faint. Just say you're welcome.
You may not know that many non-living things have a gender.
For example:
1) Ziploc Bags -- They are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.
2) Copiers -- They are Female, because once turned off, it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.
3) Tyre -- Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.
4) Hot Air Balloon -- Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.
5) Sponges -- Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.
6) Web Page -- Female, because it's always getting hit on.
7) Subway -- Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.
8) Hourglass -- Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.
9) Hammer -- Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.
10) Remote Control -- Female...... Ha! You thought it'd be male. But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying
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Dont blame it on the sunshine,
Dont blame it on the moonlight,
Dont blame it on the goodtimes,
Just blame it on the WOOLLEY.
When I was in the RAF an old seargent told me about his first wife. Whenever she got in a mood, which was often, he would ask her what was the matter. Her reply was always " If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you." He put up with it for eighteen years before packing his bags. As he walked out the door, she said, "But WHY are you leaving me?" His reply? "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!!" One of the most satisfying moments of his life he reckoned!
quote: Originally posted by: vee8 "When I was in the RAF an old seargent told me about his first wife. Whenever she got in a mood, which was often, he would ask her what was the matter. Her reply was always " If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you." He put up with it for eighteen years before packing his bags. As he walked out the door, she said, "But WHY are you leaving me?" His reply? "If you don't know, I'm not going to tell you!!" One of the most satisfying moments of his life he reckoned!"
Bloody brillant m8
__________________
Dont blame it on the sunshine,
Dont blame it on the moonlight,
Dont blame it on the goodtimes,
Just blame it on the WOOLLEY.
quote: Originally posted by: vee8 "When I was in the RAF an old seargent told me ........"
You're starting to sound our dear friend Ted from the museum. He alsways starts his stories like that! (Ted is a lovely old chap and likes hot rods!!")
